Epi Pen

I’m here at a party (with a whole bunch of boring couples) and wanted to share a convo. 
Friend’s lit cousin’s boyfriend (during intense game of ping pong that they’re loosing) DAMN, we’re loosing. You suck at this. What are you good at?!

Friend’s lit cousin: SUCKING DICK

Friend’s lit cousin’s boyfriend: you damn right, if there was a class for that you’d teach it!

(Five minutes later)

Friend’s lit cousin is eating (because she’s drunk af): uh huh, there’s shrimp in this. I can’t eat that. I’ll fuck around and DIE!!

My thinking: Bitch, put that DOWN!

Friend’s lit cousin is making her dudes plate and puts shrimp on it. 

Me to Friend’s lit cousin’s: if he eats shrimp and you suck his dick and swallow, will you die?

Friend’s lit cousin’s: Well, I’ll suck his dick but wait 48 hours until I swallow cause I might. 

Me: Oh shit, that’s a real allergy. 

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